Clawing My Way Back
It's Mental Health Month.
It’s Mental Health Month, Spectacular Substack Readers.
I think if you’re just meeting me now, it can be easy to think I’m smiley like a dolphin and just super positive all the time despite what has happened.
What’s real is the fact that I live on a spectrum - I dance with fear, anxiety, regret, envy, and disappointment too, all the time. And I’m honestly not sure who’s leading.
In the wake of my challenges, I do think I have some good tactics that allow me to push through the scary narratives in a way that makes me feel ultimately grateful to still be here with you all.
Pain and loss always take from us. But it is part of nature. Breaking may be part of growth.
Seeds break open to grow, and so do we.
Breaking hurts. No doubt about it. But in the rebuilding, I’m often talking about the growth that’s available to us.
I want to be clear, I didn’t float on a high vibe cloud to get to where I am now.
I CLAWED my way here. Through depression, fear, anxiety, and pain. Breathing scared me. Taking a deep breath rattled me beyond comprehension after my lung issues.
But today, typing this, I can take a deep breath again. It’s intentional. Not always simple.
The sensation of breathing is not passive… or particularly empowering, like it had once been. But every moment, I breathe - my chest tugs and expands. Then the anxiety arrives. What feels like a swarm of ants crawling inside my chest wall - I try to turn the disquieting image into the beauty of butterflies or lightning bugs.
Either way, it’s a creepy feeling that haunts me, but with every season’s change, it does dull a bit.
In sharing what I’ve learned, I want to be an atlas helping you navigate the challenges.
Some Mental Health Posts
Arguably every post addresses mental health, but here are a few to highlight.
Meet Post Traumatic Growth
Hi Readers, It’s my 50th post! Wow. Thanks for going on this journey. Here’s a little concept I loved learning about. It helped me put a label on my some of my journey. Take it if it serves you. Share it if it resonates. If you’re new here, I started writing this when I was on dialysis. It’s intended to be both memoir and a practical tool to help folks wh…
Introducing "Glimmer"
Hi Readers, As we enter the week of “thanksgiving” I’m thankful for the term glimmer. Like learning the term Post Traumatic Growth, glimmers are in beautiful opposition to “triggers” and something I felt happening to me even though I didn’t have a label.
Good Vibrations - A Playlist
Greetings Gorgeous Substack Readers, During my time in the hospital and on dialysis - through hard times, I lean on music to help me rise above my challenges. With help from my Instagram followers, I made a no-judgment, unapologetic, feel-good - and in the flow with the universe - powerful playlist.
Comment of the Week:
“Yes! Media literacy is so important! Thank you for all the helpful tips on how to navigate researching a diagnosis.” Kristen Hayford
Hey Dr. Google - How to Avoid Misinformation
Hey Substack Family, I’m not a medical professional, but I tried to play one on TV a lot. Above is an old headshot. For those who only know me from my Substack, I’m also an actor. These days I’m playing the patient most. One thing patients typically do, we google. I google a ton about my diagnosis, my treatment, and to help me ask questions.
If you’re new here and wondering, “what happened to this lady?” read:
I started writing this when I was on dialysis. It’s intended to be both memoir and a practical tool to help folks who might be going through something similar or those caregivers and family supporting someone with a challenging diagnosis. NOTE: This is not intended to replace actual medical guidance. Please consult your doctors on your individual challenges and situations. Please talk to your clinicians before adjusting any of your care protocols. Also names have been changed for most of my medical staff.
Thank you to CC Couchois, Roy Lenn, and Dr. Richard Burwick for your founding level donation.
Thank you for sharing your journey with all of us. <3