When A Liar Steals Your Dreams

A Rant: Why I'm mad at Elisabeth Finch

Dear Lovely Readers, Oh boy. This is a doozy.

The photo above is me on dialysis on May 2, 2022 - the date of the article drop of Scene Stealer: The True Lies of Elisabeth Finch. And I’m angry. Unreasonably angry. You can see it in my eyes.

When the article about Elisabeth Finch published in Vanity Fair, I was trapped in dialysis while my four month old was excruciatingly miles away going to daycare for the first time. I hadn’t prepared to send her to daycare so soon, but with kidney failure and spending most of the week out of the house on dialysis, full-time solo parenting was tough on Zach. 

I remember immediate visceral rage upon reading the article. Which is extra tough when you’re literally stuck to a Davita machine for three hours having your blood filtered of toxins with a rare disease and wondering if you’ll see your next birthday.

For those who don’t know of the infamous Elisabeth Finch, she faked a rare cancer to get an article in Elle. The article positioned her for her dream job as a writer on Grey’s Anatomy. Once on the show, she eventually became Co-Executive Producer. Her lies didn’t stop there. Elisabeth Finch lied about so many things it would make your head spin. 

She said she got a kidney from Anna Paquin. She told everyone she knew someone killed in the Tree of Life Synagogue Massacre, resulting in severe PTSD. She even lied profusely to her wife who eventually found her way to the truth - exposing Finch and emailing Shondaland and Vanity Fair with the extent of Finch’s deception.  

Some might claim Finch was addicted to the lies, but it’s clear she was addicted to the attention she got from the lies.

These were lies of ambition and manipulation.

Besides her wife and co-workers, it made me angry for the unseen victims.

She racked up quite a lot of bylines writing lies. And for each one, I wondered how many writers with illness were turned down because Finch’s story went to print?

One article, “Confronting the doctor who missed my cancer” felt particularly triggering for me since she never once had cancer.

I pitch a lot of articles now more than ever especially after having one go viral and #1 on Apple News. Yes, I’m dropping the link just in case Shonda Rhimes reads this. Hi Shonda. Can I call you by your first name, Shonda?

I wonder how many chronically ill writers didn’t get to write for Grey’s Anatomy because of Finch. Her work accommodations were so extreme (she apparently got to work a lot outside the writers room due to her “cancer”), could they handle bringing on another writer who might have medical needs? With their workload, probably not. 

She would exploit every dark disease stereotype to her advantage, pretending to know what “illness looks like.” 

With every opportunity she got, someone who lived it was silenced. 

And I guess, in many ways, that’s me.

I feel silenced by the space she took up. 

It’s probably why I’m so damn angry at a complete stranger. 

For most of my adult life, I’ve written. Stacks of screenplays are on my google drive and a dream of one day being a showrunner. 

After my diagnosis, my dreams are still there. Even in the hospital, while on a ventilator I scrawled on notepaper about updating my newest feature script in my writers group. During dialysis I wrote that film. I remember advancing in the Austin Film Fest that year, but instead I opted to celebrate the removal of my dialysis permacath with my nine month old baby girl and husband in Hawaii. I hadn’t been able to go in water for nine months and I dreamed of the ocean.

I placed in the festival again the next year and went on my own as my first trip away from my baby. I got to tell the screenwriter of Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure that I watched that film in the ICU when I was scared I was going to die before it ended. 

Writing scripts and producing TV is still very much a dream of mine. 

As many of you know, I wrote a book and I wish on every 11:11 or eyelash or birthday candle it gets published. 

And then I think, watch that Finch lady get a book deal. 

She exploited the most traumatic parts of people’s lives, to mine them for her ambition, and now that she’s caught, she honestly doesn’t seem very sorry.

From her two acre sprawling property in the hills of Topanga Canyon, an area where  I tried and failed to buy a house after my diagnosis, Finch was interviewed by The Ankler, coming across clearly sorry for herself. 

She confesses, reframing her lies as a coping mechanism. She says, “The best way I can explain it is when you experience a level of trauma a lot of people adopt a maladaptive coping mechanism. Some people drink to hide or forget things. Drug addicts try to alter their reality. Some people cut. I lied. That was my coping and my way to feel safe and seen and heard.”

Coping from what trauma, I thought? Then the article goes on to explain her journey of lies began after knee surgery. 

Knee issues are terrible. I nursed my mom after knee surgery and it’s an unpleasant kind of hell. 

But this context left me with furrowed brows. How does a person go from a knee injury in 2007 to writing an article in Elle magazine about a rare cancer diagnosis in 2014??? That’s some fuzzy emotional journey math. 

She also claims being traumatized by her brother, but in the TV Show Anatomy of Lies about Finch, her wife alluded to her alleged abuse sounding more like childhood teasing. 

Either way, it’s not hard to find thinly supported context from a pathological liar unsatisfying.

The Ankler.

author Peter Keifer wrote tellingly, “a chunk of our final conversation was spent discussing an upcoming photo shoot that would take place at her house. She was worried about the logistics and weather and on several occasions she asked who the hair-and-makeup artist would be. After the shoot, she emailed to ask if she could have some of the extra photos that weren’t used. She was particularly interested in shots showing her crying. And now, Finch tells me she is planning her own next act. “

Ever-ambitious, she wants to write again. For The Handmaid’s Tale specifically, saying, “Okay, I did this, I hurt a lot of people and I'm also going to work my fucking ass off because this is where I want to be and I know what it's like to lose everything.”

But in all this lengthy article, the words “I’m sorry” don’t seem to find their way into the text.  She does eventually write “I’m sorry” two years later on Instagram after the TV show comes out.

I debated writing about all this because attention seems to be part of her dark goal, but then I thought, Elisabeth Finch would 100% write about me if the situation was reversed. 

As I work my ass off to make ends meet, be a good mom to my toddler, and keep my health with regular infusions, I want to say, I hope you never get something I’ve always dreamed for ever again, Elisabeth Finch. 

Nowadays, my focus is around disease awareness. Oh and Shonda, you should totally feature atypical Hemolytic Uremic Syndrome or pregnancy-induced complement-mediated thrombotic microangiopathy on Grey’s - it would be amazing for disease awareness. Awareness for this rare condition is vital, especially for women who trigger during pregnancy, because it’s terribly aggressive and it can be easily missed by physicians. Amazingly, there is a treatment and if doctors are aware, lives like mine can have a happy ever after.

As for me, I’m going to put my anger at Elisabeth Finch away now. Anger is a map, they say, pointing us where we want to go.

For me, it’s a reminder to keep moving toward my dreams.

I was given a glorious second chance to be here, alive on this earth and I really want to make it count and have an impact.

Maybe not everyone should get a glorious second chance.

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Thanks for listening to my rant. Please, share with Shonda Rhimes if you happen to know her. For everyone who’s not Elisabeth Finch, I hope your dreams come true this week. xo

Did You Miss it?

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If you’re new here and wondering, “what happened to this lady?” read:

I started writing this when I was on dialysis. It’s intended to be both memoir and a practical tool to help folks who might be going through something similar or those caregivers and family supporting someone with a challenging diagnosis. NOTE: This is not intended to replace actual medical guidance. Please consult your doctors on your individual challenges and situations. Please talk to your clinicians before adjusting any of your care protocols. Also names have been changed for most of my medical staff.

Thank you to CC Couchois, Roy Lenn, and Dr. Richard Burwick for your founding level donation.