We are not supposed to love our bodies forever

Is aging a gift, preparing us for our mortality?

Okay this might be controversial- so bear with me, dearest reader.

I don’t think we are supposed to love our bodies forever.

I think aging is a gift.

It’s the kind of gift you don’t really want or know you need. You don’t even want to unwrap it… but I believe it’s here to help us and guide us.

For all our efforts orbiting body-love, I think there comes a point in life when the body inevitably breaks down. And in that break down, we begin the process of letting go.

We don’t live forever. It’s a frustrating fact of existence.

This impermanence can either drive you crazy or help you see the beauty in each moment and day. Or both.

The inescapable ever-present truth, we all die.

I’m not comfortable with this truth entirely either.

But I’m accepting of it.

Zach’s grandmother passed this week. She was 98. He was always rooting for her to be 100 years old. And it was very clear to me, she didn’t have the same goal.

I felt the same about my grandfather, who also died at 98.

At the point of 98, they had an understanding and acceptance that death really wouldn’t be so bad. Both had aged past the point of living the life they wanted. Their partners were gone. And they had bodies that didn’t serve them any longer.

As we told July, Grandma Betty had grown “all the way up” that she went into the sky.

I think there is a grand design in aging that helps ready us for the next chapter. When we can’t live any longer, or our bodies aren’t letting us live - the passage to the next spiritual journey is, perhaps, a freedom older people begin to yearn for.

I recall my Grandparents would talk about death constantly. It looms for them in a way that it doesn’t for the young.

And this processing feels appropriate and natural. We want to tell Grandma, “noooo don’t bring up the fact that your won’t live forever.”

But maybe Grandma is just working through the inevitable out loud.

With each birthday, I want to tell people, “Congratulations.” Getting old is a privilege I dream for. We are lucky to age.

I hope and pray to age.

And to be clear, when you’re young and well, it’s good to love your body. Appreciate all its abilities. Give it the food it needs to live optimally. Weight train so you can hang on to your strength as long as possible. Use your body to walk up mountains and swim in the sea.

But when the day comes that you’ve grown “all the way up” and you don’t love your body anymore - I think that’s okay too. And maybe the point.

Nature has population control settings. It’s just a fact.

And I also think it’s okay to not love our bodies when we are sick too. It’s alright to wrestle with our physical selves when the body isn’t working as it should. We still need to take care of ourselves, but it’s okay to feel restless. It’s okay to direct anger and sadness and disappointment at your body when it’s putting you through hell.

We get angry when love betrays us. It doesn’t mean we can’t repair.

That all said, when you are healthy and everything is working well - I implore you with all my heart to LOVE LOVE LOVE your body.

Don’t spend a moment beating it up or picking it apart. Celebrate it. Appreciate it. Because that time is profoundly precious.

As I say, at some point, we all become patients. It’s a matter of time.

And when that day comes, acceptance is another gift.

But I do hope you grow “all the way up” when it happens. That in the breakdown, you are ready for The Big Let Go.

COMMENT OF THE WEEK

“Thank you for sharing your story! I just read it on HuffPost so sought you out here. I, too, recently went through a sudden, debilitating and unusual health situation (though not as serious or rare). I was seeing numerous doctors and occasionally dealing with the medical gaslighting that is, unfortunately, common for women. Until you’re in that situation, it’s difficult to understand just how overwhelming it can be to navigate our medical system when you’re already so physically, mentally and emotionally depleted. I’m sure there are many who will feel inspired and validated by reading your experiences here!” Heather

If you’re new here and wondering, “what happened to this lady?” read:

I started writing this when I was on dialysis. It’s intended to be both memoir and a practical tool to help folks who might be going through something similar or those caregivers and family supporting someone with a challenging diagnosis. NOTE: This is not intended to replace actual medical guidance. Please consult your doctors on your individual challenges and situations. Please talk to your clinicians before adjusting any of your care protocols. Also names have been changed for most of my medical staff.

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