Facing a difficult diagnosis

Coping tactics for life’s medical earthquakes

Good day lovely readers,

I’ve wanted to write for a long time about ideas for dealing with a serious diagnosis.

It’s an impossibly challenging situation and every diagnosis and person is different - but here are some things I think could apply across the board to help in the wake of a serious life earthquake.

When my life changed forever, I improvised my way through it all with the aid therapist, but after all my experiences - failings and wins alike - I wanted to make a map for facing what comes next in the journey if anyone needs it.

Breathe

I hate this for you. I hate this for your loved ones. But breathe and slow down, because there are ways to begin to wrap your head around the impossible. Spiraling is natural and emotions are big, but let’s break down this moment in time and get a framework for the path ahead.

Educate yourself on the condition

This might be overwhelming at first and you can lean on caregivers to help, but knowing the facts about the diagnosis and treatment options will empower you to engage in your care. You have a voice in the process, and it’s important to understand the situation so you can work effectively with your health care team.

Big Feelings are Normal

You will feel a lot of things from despair to denial to anger - but feelings are often waves, they hit big and pass. Don’t judge yourself. I do always recommend finding a healthy outlet like therapy and/or journaling to help find a place to feel safe to express them. 

Also embrace coping mechanisms to help when the waves of emotions come hard and fast, whether it's meditation or taking walks or prayer or chanting. 

Find Your Village

The village can take a lot of shapes. It might be family, friends, coworkers or even complete strangers in patient groups. Having support can help us have both practical help, like caregiving, but also emotional help. 

It can feel lonely, so finding other patients is extremely powerful. They understand in a way family and friends can’t and they often have access to resources that may help.

But lean into community, because love in action is powerful for us all.

Establish a New Normal Routine

Focus on your new daily needs. Whatever the specific situation, it usually involves treatment, eating healthy, some version of exercise, mental health tactics, and rest. The new normal might look different than before because you are different, but the structure can provide control in a time where everything feels out of control.

Set Goals

This might be a good time to make goals. Start with realistic goals and go from there. Work with your therapist, doctors, and family to make goals that you can achieve. I’m not saying you can’t achieve stretch goals too, but I am saying start with goals you can make happen first. It helps to have wins.

I also suggest making goals that help you feel purposeful too. In a time of uncertainty, finding meaning can be extremely powerful and healing.

Set Boundaries

This might be a time to shed anything that needlessly drains or takes from you. Saying no is okay. It’s important to protect and safeguard the energy you have - so creating guardrails around yourself to focus on your needs, goals, care, and loved ones is important.

Find Inspiration

I find it helpful to look for folks who are living with challenges and thriving despite hardships to help me define what’s possible. Inspiration can help us change negative narratives around our hard situations. 

Narratives are powerful and the story we tell about ourselves can help us move into a powerful space. 

It's hard not to see what is taken from us, but inspiration can help us move into a growth mindset even amidst adversity.

I’m sorry if this all applies to you or someone you love. But know, you are not alone.

What Suggestions Do You Have?

I’m all ears. Leave a note in the comments.

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Did You Miss It?

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If you’re new here and wondering, “what happened to this lady?” read:

I started writing this when I was on dialysis. It’s intended to be both memoir and a practical tool to help folks who might be going through something similar or those caregivers and family supporting someone with a challenging diagnosis. NOTE: This is not intended to replace actual medical guidance. Please consult your doctors on your individual challenges and situations. Please talk to your clinicians before adjusting any of your care protocols. Also names have been changed for most of my medical staff.

Thank you to CC Couchois, Roy Lenn, and Dr. Richard Burwick for your founding level donation.